I Was Not The Life Of 'Any' Party
68See this cool guy? I dreamed of being THIS guy from age eight through age eighteen.
More Examples, Some Bad, Of Being 'The Life Of The Party'
WHEN YOU ARE NOT
THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
you do not feel good. You feel miserable, to be honest. You go home and sit in your room--planning your attack for the next day as to how you can make a break-through to the 'cool' people in your life.
Awards should be handed out for people such as myself and many more whom have tried. Tried very hard. But failed to 'make it,' so to speak. I don't know why 'making it' was that important to me. Maybe I was born with an entertainment gene that prompted me to act-up, show-out and do my homemade show business acts for family and what few friends I could threaten to stick around to watch me perform my backyard theater productions.
I will never really know how it feels to be 'it,' popular, cool, and idolized. That's fine too. The older I get the harder it is to live with the 'what if's' which can add up swiftly. And cause me, or anyone sleepless nights mixed with depression.
Life, I wish it were fair.
IT'S NOT A WONDERFUL LIFE, CLARENCE
when you suddenly realize, early-on, that you are not meant for the entertainment business. Or worse, being "the life of the party." I have never been as serious as I am here. It's a sad tale told by an obscure writer, me. A faded tale forgotten by many. But to me, if I had another shot at my life, I would do things differently.
WHERE MY ILL-FATED, UNPOPULAR CAREER BEGAN
was on a shiny linoleum floor in the bedroom of my dad's parents, James and Ida Belle Avery when I was the unlearned age of eight. Man, did I look goofy. Clumsy. Stupid. I am just telling the truth here. I had been fortunate to see an ad for a pesticide on their black and white television and it stuck. I mean it stuck in mind like a bad memory. I went to my grandparents' bedroom where everything was in its place. Orderly. Neat. And began doing, from memory, the pesticide ad. To me, even being alone, it was big fun.
Suddenly, my dad, Austin Avery, Hamilton, and his parents, James and Ida Belle Avery, also of Hamilton, ran into the bedroom screaming, "was that you that hit the floor like a sack of potatoes?" I grinned. That was a yes to them. I stood convicted. But dad, a caring man, asked if I would do the ad again for his benefit. And after the speaking part of the ad, I had to play the part of the dead insect, so I collapsed on the shiny linoleum floor. Dad laughed. My grandparents simply stood, arms crossed, and frowned. Like I would really hurt something as tough as their linoleum floor.
From that embarrassing moment on, I seized every opportunity, both secret and public, to try out my newly-found entertainment abilities. At every Christmas gathering, I would take two plates and put them over my eyes and say, "hey, look. I'm a fly!" A few laughs would surface. Families are rough crowds. The late Rodney Dangerfield knew this. But when the few laughs wouldn't suffice, I would resort to talking-up my next act. "hey, want to see me drink this full glass of milk without breathing?" Sadly, no one wanted to see this amazing feat. And in retrospect, that was a good thing. I got my first taste of disappointment.
ENTER THE PRE-TEEN YEARS
and I was still determined to be "the life of the party." Actually I recall a minister saying those exact words at a funeral that my mom and dad attended with me along so they could make sure I wasn't causing any trouble. The minister, in his finest, humble-toned preacher voice, said, "this dear soul who lays here, was not perfect. No, not in any way. But some say that he was 'the life of the party,'" and that too, like the ad for the pesticide, stuck in my mind. A goal. A dream. 'The life of the party.' Not a bad choice. I could have made worse choices such as being a hoodlum, convict or even a thief. I was happy inside knowing that the stars in the sky were smiling on me. I was go grow up and entertain thousands of smiling, laughing, and happy fans.
IT'S ROUGH, WHEN YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON
who realizes that 'you' are the 'life of the party.' Not those around you. Here I was in my early teen's. Awkward. Hitting puberty. Voice squeaking. Clumsy. Still stupid. But I thought I could make my awkward, clumsy mannerisms work for me. They did. But not in a good way. I recall an early entertainment event that I did in my seventh grade home room. The teacher, a true southern gentlewoman, Mrs. Lena Rea Shotts, had to leave the room for an errand, but she made the mistake of leaving us on our honor to be good. Oh yeah. That was smart. Smart like a fox. Smart enough to win the Nobel Peace Prize alright. I took the time to introduce my stunt man talents that I had watched on a black and white western at my grandparents' house the previous Sunday evening.
Here's how it went. "Hey, people! Would you believe that I can leap from this desk to that desk without being injured?" I announced to my stunned classmates. I recall a jester, Alan Cantrell, slyly saying, "Yeah, Kenny. That sounds great." I smiled with self-gratification. I took a deep breath. Then with the grace of a limp antelope, I sailed from my desk top to nearly the desk top I was aiming for, but only ended up on the hard cement floor. All wasn't lost. My classmates did clap. Yell. And laugh. Some asked for me to do it again, but I had to get to the boys' restroom to stop the bleeding on my head. What a close call. Mrs. Shotts never noticed the bruise on my chin and the scrape on my forehead. No one ever said being 'the life of the party' would be easy.
I GUESS YOU THINK THAT I MADE IT
to being 'the life of the party.' No. Not by a long shot, but it wasn't for a lack of trying. I had all the gimmicks and stunts down to a science. On cue, I would fall down in the hallway of our school, Hamilton High School, and 'act' hurt to scare the girls. That bit soon wore-thin. Talk about wise girls. I did the falling-down routine so much that the girls only stepped over me and went about their day while Alan Cantrell, Billy Owen, and other jesters, stood by and laughed. Not with, but at me. And these guys were good enough to act as my promoters. They would spread the word about when and where my next event would take place. Nice guys. Did all this work for me for no pay.
EUREKA! I KNEW WHAT WAS MISSING
and it was jokes. One-liners. Funny stories. Yeah. The icing on the cake. The final step in my goal to be 'the life of the party,' to be invited to class picnics, private parties with girls and dancing at the homes of classmates, a name that meant cool. A person, who just be looking at me, people would stop and say, "Look. It's Kenneth Avery, 'the life of the party,'" I would wink. And go on down the hallway to my next class. This, friends, never materialized. I did though hear, "Hey, Kenneth! When are you going to jump off the roof of the high school?" and the good-natured classmates who said things like this would laugh and walk away. Funny. No matter where I was and no matter the classmates who were actually setting me up to laugh at me were, there was my buddy, Alan Cantrell. I guess he wanted to support me all of the time.
THE JOKES I STOLE WERE GREAT
pieces of comedy by the 'greats,' such as Jackie Gleason, Milton Berle, George Jessell, and the all-time 'master of the one-liners,' Henny Youngman. I loved these guys. They knew just how to turn a phrase. Tell the right joke. Look a certain way. Fans loved these guys and my classmates, I thought, would soon love me, for I had a new tool. A new wrinkle in my act. A way to be 'the life of the party,' and spread good cheer at the same time.
I remember walking up to a group of my classmates in our gymnasium one Tuesday afternoon. I was dressed 'fit to kill,' in my black Hagar slacks, black pointed-toe slippers, and red sweater vest. I looked fine. As soon as I neared my friends, they all, for some reason, stopped talking. I did overhear them say something about a party later on at Chip Woods' house. Woods was a friend of ours. But not as cool as I was. I went right 'for the jugular,' and asked, "would you all like to hear a few jokes?" Some nodded. Some looked off. In fewest words, my first attempt at stand-up to be labelled 'the life of the party,' was a train wreck. A disaster. The Hindenburg blimp crash paled in comparison. I guess I got my comedians mixed up. My funny joke went like this: "Hey, take my jackass, please!" "No, I got it wrong. Ohhh, how sweet I am," by then, it was over. Oh, the classmates laughed. And laughed. They thought I did the screw-ups on purpose. And my forehead covered in sweat was only a comedy gag. I walked away defeated. Dejected. Sweaty. And still didn't get an invite to Chip's party.
FROM THE CRUEL YEARS OF 1971 THROUGH 1999
I tried hard. At every job I had. I had not given up on being an adult 'life of the party' since my teenage attempts had failed miserably. Same thing. Different setting. Some coworkers would chuckle. Some would produce a respectful 'fake' laugh at my one-liners, that some thought I was making sound stupid on purpose. I wasn't. The only party I got invited to were those dull company Christmas parties where the boss is always 'the life of the party.' Figures. Why waste talent on the likes of me?
HERE ARE SOME HONEST, PERSONAL REASONS WHY
I WANTED TO BE 'THE LIFE OF THE PARTY':
- honestly, to get dates with pretty girls.
- to be patted on the back by people.
- loved by many.
- remembered for years to come.
- to have my name associated with words like hilarious; amazingly-funny and witty.
- to make a living out of being 'the life of the party,' Jerry Lewis did. Why not me?
- to have a shot on television.
- to be on my local radio station with my own comedy show. And yes, music of course.
DON'T WORRY, FRIENDS. ALL IS NOT LOST
I am not depressed any longer. Fact is, I feel pretty good these days. I may not be 'the life of the party,' but I have the perfect audience who laughs at every joke I tell, and at every one-liner that flies off my lips. I love 'this' new audience who adores me for who I am. Not what I could been.
My bathroom mirror.
If you'd love to be 'the life of the party'
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MAYBE IF I HAD TRIED THIS . . .I WOULD HAVE BEEN 'THE LIFE OF THE PARTY'
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Interesting, beautiful and awesome. I could not resist clicking at...I'm still the picture of your age eight to age eighteen..Lolzz...and I'm enjoying every bit of it!! Great hub.
thanks,
prashant
That is a sweet and endearing story. I bet you are more loved and remembered than you give yourself credit for. Please don't hurt yourself anymore-- I'm queezy just reading about "blood."
Here's a joke for you, so you can "try" to retell it:
Man: "God, why do you make women so beautiful?"
God: "So you will like them."
Man: "But God, why do you make the beautiful women so dumb?"
God: "So they will like you."
Or something like that. I thought it was funny. I can appreciate a guy with a sense of humor, and you definitely have one. Your jokes might bomb (like mine usually do), but your heart is in the right place. Thanks for entertaining us on HubPages!
I heard on the Hub the Life of the Part could be found on this page, and so glad I showed up because awwww ... it's our very own Kenneth!!!
My friend, I believe you're quite blessed with attributes you're somehow overlooking. :)
You're kind. You're funny. You're encouraging. You're articulate. You speak blonde! (You get double points for that one ... ) You're sincere. (At least that's the feeling I get from you floating off the screen at me, and it's usually how I manage to size folks up.)
You're an asset to our Hub community and I sincerely hope you never doubt it!
As for those who lacked in appreciation in your past ... water off a duck's back. They didn't know what they were missing. :)
By the way, beneath the comedy ... it took courage to write this.
Hub hugs for that. We love brave men around here!
Kenneth...
Chip is a putz and I have taken to writing that on bathroom walls in my local community. I am getting the word out! You rock my friend and I don't give a crap if Chip knows I said it! (laughing)
Now...I'm not sure of the etiquette involved but I wrote a story in which you (my friend) figure prominently...I don't wish to provide a link, however, for fear that it would be gauche to do so. That said...when you get a chance take a look at "The Ghost of William Hurt" ...I hope you like it and have a great holiday season my friend!
Thomas
Hi, kenneth, I think you may believe that you were the failure, but I think secretly other boys wish they had been like you, you got noticed! lol! even flinging yourself around people noticed you, and a lot of boys didn't even have the nerve to do that! we love your humour, so you must be doing something right! lol! take care, cheers neell
Well I think you are the life of the party here on the HUB...very funny... I wish I could have met you in our teen years. I am sure you would have kept me laughing.. I voted up and funny.
Hey, you are STILL the life of the party. I love your humor! You are the greatest, I'm told you that before. You crack me up! I voted you UP, funny, etc.
I think you are still very funny and entertaining. I wonder if you didn't leave more funny memories than you realize as maybe you have remembered the ones that didn't turn out as you wanted. You seem to be a very caring person and that counts for a lot.
I love your last line! That is the essence of you because no matter what you faced— rejection, getting laughed at instead of laughed with— you continued with your dream of being the life of the party! Some people may say you tried to hard or your corny funny but those can be great things! Love your article and the way you set it up too it really held my interest! Thanks for sharing. Voted up.
Would you believe that not all the girls were impressed with guys who were the life of the party? Yeah, some thought they were pretty obnoxious-always trying to do things for a laugh to impress people.
Being yourself is the best gift you could share-and you do it so wonderfully. Funny is great, but sincerity and kindness...heck, they go a very long way.
Thanks for your honosty on the subject. Hugs and blessings to you.
Love this hub Ken - the photo with the guy sleeping carrots and all - cracked me up.
Becca
Hi Kenneth, you told your story so eloquently, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Some parts were so funny I don't know why no one laughed sincerely, I would have been on the floor with laughter. I loved this hub so well that I can't wait to get to more of them. I'll be seeing you on future hubs. Voted up, funny, awesome, and interesting.
Very funny! I love it, Kenneth. You make me smile ;D
Thanks for your hub!it's so funny...haha
Heck, this is entertaining as Hell! I'd say you succeeded at becoming the life of the party on this one. I really enjoyed your writing style, by the way. It's quite unique, a very refreshing read first thing in the morning. Off to follow you.
This is hilarious! I think you are a talented writer. I enjoy your sentences, some short, some long, some just one word. Very effective to the humor and getting your point across. You have a nice easy style of writing and it flows well and makes it easy for the reader to read. I like your unusual similes, for example, "jumping from desk to desk like a 'limp antelope.' That is creative and unusual, and funny - I'm trying to visualize a 'limp antelope' and it makes me laugh.
I don't know why you think I need to critique your work. I think you are a much better writer than you give yourself credit for. (See, I ended with a preposition which you are never suppose to do.) None of us are perfect writers! Keep writing! I'm enjoying your hubs!
And, I like you just as you are - you don't need to be the life of the party - just be yourself.
Thanks for the laugh this evening!...you diffently seem to be the life of the party here! this is the writing style I love, refreshing, honest, entertaining- Voteup!!!XD
No "life of the party" here, Ken. I never opened my mouth, I was so shy! God bless. Hope you find yourself soon.
Thank you, my dear Kenneth! You make me smile always ;D
Merry Christmas to you too! Yep, I will always remember you, SWEET KEN ;D
Kenneth, I can relate to this one, spot on! I think there were many of us who had to fight for attention...through comedy or laughter. We would do things WAY out there, just for a laugh....
The think I admired about you and your story is your persistence! You just keep on going....and THAT is great!...there is a strong degree of honesty about you that is adorable....just to be able to tell this story in the fashion you did, is extremely entertaining...I read every word and was captivated by the entire hub....you have a REAL talent in story telling.
UP, awesome and funny!
Chris
Hi Kenneth
Your openness and frankness is truly refreshing and you had me captivated all the way through. You've now found your way to be the life and soul of the party without having to play the fool.
God bless.
Amber:)
Another "funny"! You silly rabbit; tricks are for kids! The ability to be "the life of the party" comes from within, not from outside antics, etc. It's a natural, inherent talent. But fear not, I have a proclamation for you. I hearby appoint you as the "King of Hub". Michael Jackson was the "King of Pop", James Brown was the "King of Soul", Elvis Presley was the "King of Rock and Roll (?)" ... and now, you are the "King of Hub". Forget about the "Life of the Party"; you now have another avenue for being in the Hall of Fame. Congrats, King!! Wear your crown with dignity and keep us entertained !!
Hey, we have one thing in common` I have never been the 'life of the party' either. I'm just the quiet one watching from the wings. I like it there........... so I'll keep it that way! God bless............ Kaie
Dearest Kenneth,
"Hey, take my jackass, please!" "No, I got it wrong. Ohhh, how sweet I am,"
I am in tears of laughter. You, my friend are amazingly witty, funny and talented.
Voted up up and away!
Take Care
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you!


































ThoughtSandwiches Level 7 Commenter 5 months ago
Kenneth...
AH...my friend...you are INDEED the life of our Hubsville party and I (for one) would ALWAYS be honored to watch you fling yourself off buildings for the entertainment of others!
I must admit...I also suffered from the same affliction...alas...my Black/white television muse was the old Dick Van Dyke Show. It occurred to me...how can tripping over an ottoman every night...NOT be funny??
Turns out...the pretty girls that I was trying to impress had a disturbingly long list of reasons for why that wasn't funny. Girls...they are pretty little enigmas sometimes...
Great Job Kenneth! (I am voting accordingly!)
Thomas
PS...I heard Chip's party sucked. Their loss...